that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
