bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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