Where did you get a picture of my penis
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
