Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
