How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Randomize
