He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
