i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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