Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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