best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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