she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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