as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
