Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You need Xanax blowdarts
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
