you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
