The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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