So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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