I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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