All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
