I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
