Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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