I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
