You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
