So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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