I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
