You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
