I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We smell like vodka and hangover
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
