It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
