I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
