Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
