Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
