It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
