It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
