Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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