are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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