My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
