Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
