I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
