please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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