theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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