Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
