Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
