naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
