I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
