No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
