Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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