just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
