It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
