note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
