Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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