am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
