I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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