I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
