a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
