ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
