I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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