oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
