My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
