I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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