Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
