He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
