Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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