My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
