Will you blow on my dice?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
