a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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