Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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