Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
