Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
