this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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