my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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